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Natasha or NJ

"She was as one who, in madness, was resolute to throw herself from a precipice, but to whom some remnant of sanity remained which forced her to seek those who would save her from herself"
- Anthony Trollope

July 29th
10 notes
11:21 pm

I wrote a lot today, though I didn’t post all of them (which happens quite often). Still, it was nice. I’ve missed writing this often and this much.

July 29th
8 notes
10:00 pm
nostalgicjoy: Dear Natashaaa or Jaineeee haha


Dear Jainnee,

Who would have thought that a simple hey could lead to a wonderful friendship like ours. I could say that our friendship started with “That’s my favorite book, too”, “I love that song, too”, “did you like that movie” phrases, that’s how our first conversation started not anything about tumblr but tiny facts about ourselves no one has even asked out.

And so we learned we’re shipping the same fictional couples and started exchanging movie, record and music suggestions. We may have different timezone, but that didn’t make a bother we still find time to chitchat with each other be it on tumblr, twitter, kik or viber. Talking almost everyday, exchanging stories and excerpts of our writings, we never let anyone read. I don’t know how or why, but we became this close and I like it, loved it even. It’s a two way exchange and I like it that way, I entrust you with mine and you entrust me yours.  

Between the three of us you’ve always been the optimist one, you never fail to find something good in someone and I really admire that. You’re a good conversationalist, too. I love how you(and Nics) don’t make me feel you’re superior when it comes to writing that I could blab and write anything and send it to you without being scared of what you would say afterwards. 

It’s easy to make you laugh because you find every silliest jokes funny and you’re cute when you’re “tse-ing” me and when you can’t get my jokes because you’re slow at times Ha-ha. The only thing I didn’t get about you is you’re always watching Smallville and Supernatural on Christmas breaks, Spring breaks and even Summer vacation.

But I want you to know that you’re the sister I wished I have here with me. ( And Nicole, too) To watch a chick flick or an anime while munching on some doughnuts or cookies and someone I could argue with what flavor of ice cream to buy afterwards. To sing with while dancing crazily on our bedrooms. To cry with when the author killed another of my favorite characters. To have someone here with me that could understand me, without me telling her everything because she just knows what I feel. I want you to be that one, even just for a day. So please come back home to the Philippines already, Jainneeeee!

We’ll be waiting for you. :*

Sha boo,

You’re Popeye and I’m Olive haha. Hearts to you so much. When I come back, we’ll definitely meet up <3 (and I am not slow what are you talking about haha)

July 29th
43 notes
2:13 pm

And you thought
that by closing your mouth
and keeping quiet
that somehow
the pain will lessen,
but your ribcage
is meant to guard
those monsters
that will continue to howl
from dusk till dawn.

(Source: nostalgicjoy)

July 29th
275 notes
1:44 pm

It was…
a dire tale of someone who tries to keep silent
because strangers continue to shove
insolent thoughts down her throat;
a tragic story of someone who bleeds words
for a lost, but never forgotten, love;
a wretched memoir of someone who searches for
love and beauty about and within herself,
only to be shackled by society’s ideals.

There’s rarely a day when your heart doesn’t ache
for him, for yourself, and for unaccomplished wishes.
You gave your all, but it seemed it wasn’t enough still.
But it was never about giving your all.
It was not about it being not enough.
It was not about sharing pieces of you
that you used to keep hidden in your closet.
It was about trying.
It was about taking a chance.
You are always enough, my dear.
You have universes inside you,
and maybe you burn those you touch from time to time
(even yourself),
and maybe you wreck things every now and then,
and maybe you leave stains everywhere,
and maybe you bring some darkness to places you go.
So maybe you’re a walking disaster,
but I’m telling you this as a friend,
you are one of the greatest kind I have ever encountered.
Your words leave burn marks on my heart
because of how deeply I can connect with them.
Your wreckage has a habit of finding home
in sequestered corners of me,
piecing together with my own wreckage.
Wherever your lost love may be,
he will find ink stains of your love
and may he realize that your darkness
was a shining beacon in his eclipse.

So maybe tragedy is synonymous with
destruction, unhappiness, and catastrophe.
But my dearest,
I think you need to know that sometimes,
beautiful surprises can bloom from tragic seeds.

for the girl who thinks she’s a tragedy (NJ.)

(via nostalgicjoy)

July 29th
24 notes
12:10 pm

Let’s face it. Even if it has been three weeks since we last talked and even if it has been almost two weeks since you said you’re letting go, I still haven’t completely let go, even if maybe you have.

July 29th
189 notes
10:50 am

July 29th
5 notes
10:07 am
strewedbrainthoughts: Dear Natasha, (nagpaparinig kasi ayaw naman magsend)


Dear Natasha,

Kunyari kapa. Bat hindi kana lang kasi nagsend ng dear chuchu mo. HAHAHHAHA. Balak ko sanang sulatan ka ng isang mahabang liham, ngunit subalit datapwat hindi maarok ng aking katiting na utak kung anong mga kataga sa filipino ang mahihirapan kang intindihin. Pinipiga ko na ang aking utak subalit wala akong mahapuhap na kahit ano sapagkat  ako’y iyong ininggit nyan hamburdyer at pritong patatas ng Mcdo. Nagutom tuloy ang selula ng aking utak. Paalam.



Nabobo ako huhubels. Walangya. Tinagalog. Inggitin kita mamaya. Tse. Hugs. Labyu.

July 29th
72 notes
9:15 am



People have said my words are beautiful. But beautiful is a tiring adjective. I want to write something that will make your skin crawl. I want to write something that shatters you into thousands of pieces and you’re helpless as to how to put yourself back together. I want something raw, something deafening, something broken, something numbing, something that will turn you inside out and make you get lost in your own labyrinth of a mind.

(it would be such a tremendous experience to know a soul like you. but rest assured  i will remember you in writing about you in the vicinity of my journal. i will do that with all the memorable people. “oh yes, don’t forget the writer whose writing gave you reasons to be. remember the name of that writer was natasha"  yes and "don’t forget the man in the bakery with the eyes like candles. his name tag said oliver. these are imporant individuals”  it’s nice to be remembered by strangers sometimes

anyway i was thinking about how there are so many people you come across and cannot possibly learn to know all of them and it’s honestly such a shame. even though i will never know the baker or the writer, i will have to write in the  margins of my curled pages until i have remembered all of the memorable people. how tedious)

"but beautiful is a tiring adjective" what an honest thing to say

July 29th
58 notes
9:04 am

A part of me wants
to wake up to
a 3am I miss you text
from you,
but you don’t miss me
so what’s the point

(Source: nostalgicjoy)

July 28th
28 notes
9:59 pm

Sometimes at night, I’m reminded of what could have been. The maybes, what ifs and might haves. You get struck with a sense of nostalgia over things that didn’t happen but maybe in a different reality, they did if you had chosen differently. The possibilities are endless. This whole domino effect is quite terrifying. Even the most minuscule choices can lead you to a different future and you’ll never really know what the other roads look like no matter how far you look back and how far you stretch your imagination.

July 28th
72 notes
9:20 pm

People have said my words are beautiful. But beautiful is a tiring adjective. I want to write something that will make your skin crawl. I want to write something that shatters you into thousands of pieces and you’re helpless as to how to put yourself back together. I want something raw, something deafening, something broken, something numbing, something that will turn you inside out and make you get lost in your own labyrinth of a mind.

July 28th
49 notes
6:34 pm

July 28th
31 notes
1:03 pm
Anonymous: Tell me about some of your favorite poems or quotes.

1) “You’ve got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing” - Arthur Asche

2) “In the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive. And at the end of life, when you’re dying, you need others to survive. But here’s the secret: in between, we need others as well” - Morrie Schwartz from Tuesdays with Morrie (« love this book)

3) “We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace” - Peggy Tabor Millin

4) “Maybe bad things happen because it’s the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like” - from Nineteen Minutes (« love this book too)

5) “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all. In which case, you fail by default” - J.K. Rowling

6) “When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness. That is a friend who cares.” - Henri Nouwen

7) “If you care too much about what other people think of you, you will always be their prisoner” - Lao Tzu

8) “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

9) “I don’t like standard beauty; there is no beauty without strangeness” - Karl Lagerfield

10) “When you photograph people in color, you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in black and white, you photograph their souls” - Ted Grant

11) “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather, it is one of those things that give value to survival” - C.S. Lewis

12) “There is a stark difference between letting go and giving up. One is an act of heroism and unconditional love. The other is an act of cowardice and love that was never enough to begin with” - Issa Perez de Tagle

13) “Once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely and create a new one” - H.G. Wells

14) “When there’s something you really want, fight for it. Don’t give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you’ve lost hope, ask yourself if ten years from now, you’re going to wish you gave it just one more shot. Because the best things in life, they don’t come free” - from Grey’s Anatomy

I have way too many favorite quotes. Some of my favorite poems include: The Road Not Taken, Sonnet 18, Mirror, Introduction to Poetry, Jabberwocky, and If You Forget Me

July 28th
18 notes
11:58 am

I’m trying to find myself. I’m trying to search for the words I’ve lost. Though maybe “lost” is the wrong word because lost signifies absence, as though the words have vanished. That is not the case though. The words are still somewhere. They’re still present, just not as apparent as they used to be. It’s more like, I’m on a quest to grab the words that became invisible even to my own eyes. I’m searching for the words that have hidden in the deepest crevices of my mind. I don’t like this sense of silence. I have the thoughts, but I lack the words. The mind is active, but the mouth is shut tied and the pen is out of ink.

July 28th
155 notes
10:15 am