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Natasha (NJ.)
19 | Filipino | USA
I write as a way of breathing


April 22nd
564 notes
10:51 pm

This is an apology letter.
I’m sorry for everything I have done. I’m sorry for not seeing your beauty and for not realizing that I don’t need to coat you with ugly words for you are not a dry wall created to be painted with graffiti signs. I’m sorry for placing bookmarks on your past mistakes and regrets. I’m sorry for folding your edges and highlighting the instances when you fell down, rather than tracing those moments of triumphs, no matter how small or big they were. I’m sorry for keeping you up late at night with horrendous or lonely thoughts and for breaking your rib cage because I continue to shove and lock up those emotions inside you when they were meant to spill from your mouth in helpless cries and screams. I’m sorry for the bruises and scratches. I’m sorry for comparing you to other people and for forgetting your own worth. I’m sorry for the things I have thrown at your way. I’m sorry for slapping lies on your body and marking it with hate. I should have been kissing it and showering it with love. I’m sorry for suffocating your lungs with poisonous words and for wanting to stop the breaths from coming in and out. I’m sorry for saying sorry and for not doing anything to stop this madness. I’m sorry for giving up on you. I’m sorry for the memory lapse; I have forgotten what you meant to me years ago when you were just a young child I treasured dearly. I have forgotten how to love you and keep you safe from evil, including my own self.

this is an apology letter written for myself (NJ.)

April 22nd
221 notes
10:05 pm

April 22nd
308 notes
8:33 am

April 22nd
16 notes
8:05 am
Winter: I can't sense sadness in your poems
Me: Not the kind of sadness like before
Winter: Yes, and that's a good sign

April 22nd
294,970 notes
4:12 am

April 21st
1,966 notes
10:25 pm

April 21st
227 notes
10:08 pm

April 21st
59 notes
9:39 pm

I’ll give you all of my favorite songs if it means you’ll be okay. Maybe not completely okay, but at least the type of okay that doesn’t feel like your heart is weighing you down. I’ll give you a new mixed tape to listen to. Just be okay.

April 21st
30 notes
9:16 pm

Just like how you remember me when it’s raining, I remember you. And guess what? The rain has stopped an hour ago, but I’m still remembering and thinking of you.

April 21st
36 notes
6:18 pm

April 21st
214,662 notes
3:00 pm

April 21st
29 notes
10:41 am
Anonymous: Will you please tell me something about him?

I’m not sure if you’re asking for a specific “him,” but I’ll talk about the first person who came to mind.

He likes the color green and the season winter. He has this obsession with bacon and cheeseburgers haha. He likes to call me punk. He has great taste in music and books. My playlist consists mostly of his favorite songs, and I have read some of his favorite books. He likes to praise himself because he likes how I react whenever he does that (I tell him he has a big head among other things).

He has two names for his first name, just like me, and I like saying them in my head or out loud because they flow beautifully together. He can play the guitar, but I have yet to hear him play it. He was the first one I turned to when something terrible happened in my life months ago, and he told me a day later that he’s my happy capsule and to talk when I’m ready. He has written really sweet writings for me, and I reread them every now and then. He was the first one to acknowledge his feelings, and it has been exactly 85 days since we admitted to liking each other (and 117 days since we found each other). He can be demanding, like that one time when we were talking around 3 am and he forced me to watch a movie because he said he can’t fall asleep knowing I haven’t watched it yet. I did, and I was crying at 5 am because the movie ended up being a sad one (I yelled at him the next day haha).

I like how we sometimes act like idiots and laugh about the most random things. I like how he sometimes embarrasses himself when we’re talking. I like how he can easily make my day with a simple message. While I’m not usually good with telling people my feelings, I don’t mind telling him I miss him when I do. I like the poems that I end up writing about concerning him. I like how certain things remind me of him, like the moon, winter, rain, mixed tapes and tulips.

April 20th
78 notes
11:06 pm

11:05pm

Just one look at the moon reminds me that I miss you.

April 20th
24 notes
9:25 pm

When people tell me that certain things remind them of me, I get warm fuzzy feelings

April 20th
5,203 notes
1:14 pm

s.t.